1.
They came for him a week ago. I....
I want to go. But he told me to wait. "Wait one month of the second moon, and seven days more, and then, if you don't hear from me before the two moons pass that day, then go tell the others. Here is how you will find them...."
And he told me where to find the others. But I can't remember that yet. Somewhere in the city at the heart of Tao Pablo. But not to Calinova. Not where they took him. Not where he came from, but to the others, the ones he was looking for, until he found me.
I want him to come back. He was only here three months of the second moon, but... oh those three long months. Maybe, if I think of it by the first moon, it will seem longer... yes, five months of the short moon... five months we had together.
No. It is still the same number of days. Ninety-three days of twin suns we had together by my ocean waves. And seven he has gone. They came for him a week ago.
2.
I thought I would never be hungry again, without him. But today I woke with my stomach growling, and for the first time since they took him away, I woke up thinking about food, and water, before I remembered. He told me it would happen. That my life would come back to me. That the wound where he had been ripped away from my being... would begin to heal. But... then I remembered, and cried again, again, again. Like I have every day. He told me to write, but I couldn't start until yesterday. He told me to write down everything he told me, everything we did, every feeling and memory from every song he sang for me and then we sang together, every formula he wrote in the sand and made me memorize and repeat and repeat until I got it right, and then made me forget. "You must tell the others," he said, "if I don't come back, you must tell the others what I told you."
And he made me forget so much of it. Said something to me asleep, and I forgot it. So when they came to get him, I couldn't tell them anything, and they left me alone. Well... almost alone. Two of them did to me what he and I used to do in my little house behind the dunes, at night, or in the morning... but with him it was always lovely. With those two dogs it was only fucking rape.
The bastards made me. I didn't want to. I fought. Each one held me while the other....
They didn't care about me. I was just some piece they found on the beach when they came to arrest him. Not like him. He made me feel....
I can't write it. I am too hard remembering it. I remember my father, before he went away, before my mother died... I remember him cursing her. I feel his voice rising in me. God damn those filthy bastards, God damn those mother-hating sons of dogs!
God damn them... they raped....
Was it me? I felt like it was someone else they were stabbing with their bodies, someone else the second one was biting my shoulder when he came in me... but I was someone else I was somewhere else, no, no, not me, not me, please please please not me....
But I remember it. I remember how he taught me to turn my mind away from them. So they wouldn't take me with him. But then they did that ugly thing that had been so beautiful with him. Thank God it wasn't my house. Oh Lord, if you must have put me through that, at least you didn't let them find my little house back under the bushes, behind the dunes....
Oh my Lady Lord God why you let them take me on the beach, after they got him and locked him into their machine... you let them rape me, Lord... why? Why?
But I can't hear you answer any more, my Lady Grace. I am too upset to catch the whisper of your divine voice... I only know that last night as I tried to sleep in my little house, I had to touch myself there, I was so lonely, and you remembered me that he was the only one who had really been there with me. Oh Lord at least you kept that safe for me. I can lie down at night and think about him with me in my little house. You didn't let them find my home. You only let them have me on the beach, after they locked him in their machine.
Eight days ago.
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